"Anger is an appropriate reaction to racist attitudes, as is fury when the actions arising from those attitudes do not change."
Lorde further says:
"I cannot hide my anger to spare you guilt, nor hurt feelings, nor answering anger; for to do so insults and trivializes all our efforts. Guilt is not a response to anger; it is a response to one’s own actions or lack of action. If it leads to change then it can be useful, since it is then no longer guilt but the beginning of knowledge. Yet all too often, guilt is just another name for impotence, for defensiveness destructive of communication; it becomes a device to protect ignorance and the continuation of things the way they are, the ultimate protection for changelessness."
Anger is productive and it has meaning, it is not the same as hate--and it is sometimes the only appropriate response to racism. Yet we will also say that radical kindess to those within our communities, those that we love, is also an important act of resistance and self preservation, but radical kindess can be even more difficult than anger at times. We can't discount either.
Lorde, Audre. "The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism" in Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches by Audre Lorde (1984).